Journeying: A Little bit of Relief: Laila

بسم الله

Fear and anxiety gripped me as I processed the meaning behind Mummy’s words. What had happened? How bad was it?

I didn’t ask because I knew that Mummy had no idea. I rushed over to her room and took Sa’ad. Bilal had just got there, and was trying to figure out what was wrong.

I went forward, trying to figure out what was going on. Haseena was awake, but clearly not normal. She was just unresponsive… Like she had no idea what was happening.

I waited for Bilal to say something. I just needed to know it was going to be okay.

“Mummy, I don’t know,” Bilal was saying, shaking his head. My hear immediately sank. He sounded concerned. “I think she’ll have to be admitted.”

I watched them all silently as Daddy went out to bring the car to the door and Mummy and Bilal helped Haseena up.

She just looked so fragile… So weak. I didn’t understand how this had suddenly happened. I held Sa’ad tighter in my arms as he called out to her, then quickly took him away, knowing that this couldn’t be good for him to see. I knew that Haseena had been feeling unwell recently, but I didn’t anticipate this. She had even weaned Sa’ad early the previous month, claiming that she had no strength to feed him and he was getting too big. I had thought that she was just making an excuse, but it seemed like Haseena really wasn’t in the best of shapes.

I soothed him back to sleep that morning, and lay awake while everyone else went to the emergency room. I was anxious to know what was going on, but someone had to be with Sa’ad. Yusuf had left his phone with me, so I used it to text Bilal, but he wasn’t responding. If something was really wrong with Haseena, I had no idea how much our lives would change. In just seconds, everything was turned upside down again.

But, more so now, than ever before, I knew that everything was decreed only by the Almighty. There was no question about it. We had to bear the trials with patience. We had understand that everything happened only with the will of Allah Ta’ala. There was a reason for everything.

Because when Allah plans,we don’t see the wisdom behind it, because we don’t have that kind of insight. We don’t realise that it is not Allah’s plan to place us in difficulty, but only to purify us and strengthen our Imaan. With every difficulty and test, we turn to Him, and ask for His guidance. And of course, our Allah Ta’ala will never burden us with more than  we can handle.

The Prophet ﷺ said, “There is no Muslim who is stricken with a calamity and says what Allah has enjoined – ‘Verily to Allah we belong and unto Him is our return. O Allah, reward me for my affliction and compensate me with something better’ – but Allah will compensate him with something better.” (Muslim)

And if we remember the story of Umm Salamah (RA), it is a perfect example of how Allah Ta’ala will never take away something without giving us something else better in return.

She was so grief-stricken when her husband was killed, because of her love for him. The Prophet (SAW) taught her these words, and she said “Who could be better than Abu Salamah?”

So, Allah Ta’ala gave her the Prophet (SAW).

SubhaanAllah.

Through her patience, imagine, her reward was the Best of Creation (SAW).

So I waited patiently that night… And although anxious about my sister, I turned to my Lord, because I knew that there was no-one else in the world who could put my mind at ease. There was no-one else that I could turn to, besides Him. If I had to put my trust in anyone else, I knew that I would surely be let down.

The morning came quicker than anticipated, and it was a few hours after that I finally heard someone entering the house. I rushed to the door with Sa’ad in tow, waiting to drill whoever it was.

“Daddy, how is she?” I asked breathlessly.

I looked at my father’s face, and immediately sensed that it wasn’t good.

He just shook his head tiredly.

“Is she going to be okay?” I pressed, getting worried.

He shook his head again, then shrugged.

“I don’t know, Laila,” he finally admitted. He looked really worried. I held my breath as he continued. “The doctors are confused. They don’t know what it is. She just seems to be deteriorating.”

I didn’t know what to say, so just took Sa’ad outside whilst Daddy went upstairs, just to think a little bit. It was extremely disconcerting, but there really was nothing that I could do. I really wished that Yusuf was here right now, because the whole situation just made me feel so displaced. I knew that his presence would have definitely helped.

As the day progressed, my hopes for Haseena were dashed as Mummy came home for a short while, looking even more worried than Daddy had been. Bilal was still at the hospital, trying to come to some conclusion about the test results.

I didn’t understand it right then, but it seemed like everything was just taking it’s course in the most unexpected ways. Sa’ad asked for his mother constantly for the first few hours, but eventually, he quietened down, almost as if he knew that she probably wasn’t coming back any time soon. My heart went out to the poor child, but I comforted him as best as I can, praying that somehow I too could gain the strength to make him feel at least a little better.

And then, thankfully, Yusuf’s mother eventually came home to relieve some of the responsibility, taking Sa’ad for a few hours and taking care of him. She too, looked really concerned, but she hid it well as she comforted her grandchild.

I admired the strength that they had… But I couldn’t imagine how difficult it was for them. It eventually struck me that to bring up sons who were so steadfast, they obviously must be on another level. Each trial was faced with steadfast faith and firm belief that in the end, everything was going to be okay. I was honestly so priviledged to be a part of this family, and I made Du’aa constantly that I could gain at least some of that.

I entered the hospital later that evening to see my sister, anticipating the worst. I suppose I didn’t know what to expect, but her limp body was a little hard to digest. She seemed completely devoid of any energy, and I shed a silent tear, wondering if this was it. I couldn’t help but think it, but with everything that she was going through, and the tubes that were now attached to her, I wondered if she was going to make it.

And then, just as I exited, my mind completely consumed by the entire scenario, I glanced around to see Salma Khala there.

She too, looked really worried, but I almost got the shock of my life as I saw Tasneem sitting next to her. My cousin, Tasneem.

The memories of everything thst had gone wrong previously, where she was concerned, came flooding back. I had thought that she was gone for good, but I supposed that it took something like this to get her back home again.

I slowly approached and greeted them, watching Tasneem’s face for any tell-tale signs of why she was really here. She had probably heard that I was married, since Salma Khala was there, but she didn’t say anything, even when I spoke to her.

She said seemed upset, and I wondered if it was to do with Haseena, or something else. I shook my head after I greeted them again, telling myself to let it all go. I couldn’t place blame on someone else for my mistakes. Whatever it was, was in the past, and in this short life of ours, there really was no time for any bad feelings or grudges. I knew I had to let it all go.

I left quickly afterwards, still in a daze about everything that was happening. Once again, I didn’t know what the future held for us as a family. We didn’t even know what our position would be the next day or how we would deal with everything, but one thing I knew was that we needed to have faith in Allah Ta’ala’s plan.

I went to bed that night at my new home, since Sa’ad was staying there with his grandparents. I wanted to be there for him, even though I was completely exhausted from the previous night.

I had just put him off to sleep, and though my mind was consumed by the ‘what-if’s’, I couldn’t keep myself awake to dwell on it all. And of course, just when I thought that everything was beyond repair, my Rabb had a master plan to make things a little bit right, once again.

I awoke slowly to a soft caress on my forehead, almost thinking that I was still asleep. In my dreamy staye, I couldn’t quite believe that what I was seeing was real, but I literally pinched myself just to make sure.

It was a huge weight had lifted from my shoulders. Although things weren’t perfect, I knew that with his presence, it would be much easier to bear.

Yusuf was home.

 

Author’s Note: JazakAllah to all for the beautiful Du’aas and well-wishes. Will definitely reply to comments tomorrow Insha Allah, and keep readers updated on when next post will be. 

Please don’t forget our Mission Sunnah Revival!

Du’aas for Bathroom

 Entering 

بِسْمِ اللهِ اَللّهُمَّ إِنِّيْ أَعُوْذُ بِكَ مِنَ الخبُثِ وَ الخَبَائِثِ

In the name of Alllah, O Allah, I seek your protection from male and female devils.
(Bukhari)

Leaving

غُفْرَانَكَ اَلْحَمْدُ لِللَّهِ الَّذِيْ أَذْهَبَ عَنِّيْ الأَذّىَ وَ عَافَانِيْ

O Allah. I seek your forgiveness. All praises are due to Allah who has taken away from me the discomfort and granted me comfort.

(Bukhari)

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• Difficulties
• Hope
• Islam
• Patience
• Sabr